


Three Hundred Ways to Say "I Miss You"

by DailyDaves



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-04-12 03:41:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4464104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DailyDaves/pseuds/DailyDaves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started with a fateful night at a bar and with a letter from far away.</p><p>—or more accurately, a modern email.</p><p>Gavin and Ryan meet one fall in London. Their friendship takes hold through emails and text messages.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Hundred Ways to Say "I Miss You"

**Author's Note:**

> This is for creativecockbitesnetwork‘s AU prompt! I know this isn’t the most exciting thing but it’s an AU where Ryan and Gavin meet before either works at RT. I’ll be writing more exciting AU’s for the prompt as well. Thank you to doctorjones, jstarkreborn, and h-aywood for pre-reading this for me. Feedback is appreciated!

It started with a fateful night at a bar and with a letter from far away.

—or more accurately, a modern email.

> _Dear Ryan—_
> 
> _Sorry about leaving so suddenly last night. It was nice to meet you. Hope you’re better off today and your hangover isn’t too wicked. Take it easy, alright? Heard the weather in London’s top today._
> 
> _—Gavin Free._

He didn’t let himself hesitate, clicking the send button before he really had the chance to think about it. He then sat back in his chair, watching as his email sent, drumming his fingers on his desk. Ryan Haywood. He’d gotten his email address after the previous night and had taken a few free moments today to email him, fully expecting the address to be complete bullshit. He’d just talked with the guy—nothing more. Consoling him in a state of depression and desperation was nothing to be exchanging numbers or contact information about. It wasn’t the first time Gavin had talked to someone like him, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last.

But something was different about Ryan Haywood. Something had made Gavin ask for his email, thinking it wasn’t as personal as a phone number, and something had made Gavin, for once, _want_ to listen to him. He usually only listened to heartbroken drunkards when he was forced to after being looped into an unwanted conversation through a series of conversation cues and scripts that he hadn’t wanted to follow. With Ryan, he’d willingly sat there and listened. Something was different and Gavin could feel it now as he refreshed every few seconds, looking for an email confirming that the address was fake and the service wasn’t able to deliver his message.

No email came, though. Not after five minutes and not after thirty. Gavin sat still for once, completely entranced in his computer screen, actually _waiting_ for the first time in his life. Thirty minutes ticked by without an email that confirmed his theory and he could only sigh, genuinely surprised that he was wrong. Now it was a different waiting game, a game of waiting for a response, if any. There was still a good chance Ryan wouldn’t respond at all. Gavin had spent an entire hour with him—no more, no less. There was no reason to continue that.

> _Dear Gavin—_
> 
> _Hey, it’s no problem. Sorry about dumping all that on you last night. I wasn’t really drunk, per se but more…wallowing. Which is probably not a healthy thing to do, but you know how it is. Or maybe you don’t. I don’t know. Thanks for taking the time to email me. I’ve got, as you said, a wicked hangover, and the loudness of London isn’t really helping too much. I’m sure the weather’s lovely today, but I can’t quite look outside when my head seems to hate daylight._
> 
> _Anyways, sorry about all the feelings-dumping last night. Life seems to like to just shit all over me sometimes. Or a lot. It was nice to have someone sit there and listen to how the world just doesn’t seem to want me. You’re a pretty great listener, if I do say so myself. I didn’t get to learn much about you, though. Or maybe I did and just don’t remember it. Care to humor me a little?_
> 
> _—Ryan Haywood_

The email came at the ninety minute mark, when Gavin had finally walked away from his computer. When he returned, food in hand and ready to edit a video, he saw the notification from Ryan.

> _Dear Ryan—_
> 
> _No worries, I didn’t share too much about myself last night. I usually can’t be bothered to do that. Can’t lie: I didn’t expect a response from you. No offense or anything. That’s just the way things tend to work out, you know?_
> 
> _There’s really not much to say about myself other than what you can assume by looking at me. I’m twenty-one. I still live with my parents and everything. I haven’t done a whole lot with my life. I have a job and sometimes, it really sucks. I’m pretty ordinary, especially compared to you._
> 
> _—Gavin Free_

> _Dear Gavin,_
> 
> _I’ll give it to you; you certainly have a way of underappreciating yourself. Didn’t you say last night that you work in the movie industry?_
> 
> _—Ryan Haywood_

> _Dear Ryan,_
> 
> _You’re a dirty liar. I thought you said you didn’t remember anything about me from last night. Caught you._
> 
> _Yeah, I am. It’s nothing exciting or anything. I’m the head of a slow-motion camera crew. It’s really not all that cool; it just sounds like it is. Like I said, sometimes it really sucks. Especially being the youngest person there. Let me tell you, older ‘more experienced’ cameramen sure as hell don’t like to listen to me. I won’t dump it on you, don’t worry._
> 
> _—Gavin Free_

> _Dear Gavin,_
> 
> _That certainly sounds pretty cool to me._
> 
> _Since you don’t want to dump it all on me now, how about we meet up for another drink tonight and you can dump it on me then? That way, I can repay you for last night._
> 
> _—Ryan Haywood_

Gavin was left staring at his computer with wide eyes and an open mouth. The guy who he’d thought was just indulging him with conversation was suggesting that they meet up again. It was new. It was weird. Gavin didn’t have a whole lot of friends and only one who actually lived in England. If he remembered correctly, Ryan would be in the country for a month.

It wouldn’t hurt to go get another drink with him.

Probably.

> _Dear Ryan,_
> 
> _Sounds good. Where at and what time?_
> 
> _—Gavin Free_

* * *

> _Dear Gavin,_
> 
> _You okay after the other night? Haven’t heard from you in a few days since we got drinks again. Everything okay?_
> 
> _—Ryan Haywood_

> _Dear Ryan,_
> 
> _I’m good. Sorry, I have a habit of pushing people away. Kinda figured you wouldn’t want to talk again after the other night._
> 
> _—Gavin Free_

> _Dear Gavin,_
> 
> _Why do you think that?_
> 
> _—Ryan Haywood_

> _Dear Ryan,_
> 
> _Look, I’m not the most likeable person. I’m an asshole friend. Actually, I’m not a very good friend. Not a whole lot of people want me around._
> 
> _—Gavin Free_

> _Dear Gavin,_
> 
> _I think you’re stuck with me now. Sorry. No changing that now._
> 
> _How’s everything going with your job? Are the rest of the people on your team finally listening to you? It sounded like a real problem when you were telling me about it. I feel bad that you have to go through that. I know what it’s like to work in the entertainment industry. Granted, I wasn’t and am not as young as you, so I’ve never experienced your exact problems, but I can see how frustrated you are and I can understand that frustration._
> 
> _Keep me updated._
> 
> _—Ryan_

> _Dear Ryan,_
> 
> _Thanks for understanding, really. I actually took some of your advice and talked with the director. They bloody messed up another one of my tapes and I called their pompous righteous asses out. Got them in big trouble. You know, they say that revenge shouldn’t feel good, but this sure as hell does._
> 
> _—Gavin_

> _Dear Gavin,_
> 
> _Don’t listen to whoever is telling you that revenge doesn’t feel good because you and I both know that when it’s deserved, like in this case, it feels fucking fantastic. Excuse my language._
> 
> _But only when well deserved. Don’t do anything to get the cops called on you._
> 
> _—Ryan_

> _Dear Ryan,_
> 
> _I don’t mind the language. Please, I have a friend who spews out profanity every other word. He’s got quite the mouth on him._
> 
> _Glad I don’t have to feel bad about getting revenge. He deserved it. He got fired from the project. Hopefully the rest of my team knows not to mess with me anymore. You’re a bad influence on me, Ryan Haywood._
> 
> _—Gavin_

> _Dear Gavin,_
> 
> _This is why I shouldn’t go around giving advice to the youth of this world. Woe is me._
> 
> _Being serious, there’s no reason to feel bad. That guy wronged you. Not only were you getting revenge; you were doing the right thing. Let me know how your work goes. Goodnight for now!_
> 
> _—Ryan_

* * *

> _Dear Ryan,_
> 
> _You were right! My entire team actually listened to me today! None of them purposefully messed anything up now that the main troublemaker is gone. It’s great. Seriously. Thanks again._
> 
> _—Gavin_

> _Dear Gavin,_
> 
> _Good to hear. Glad my advice helped out!_
> 
> _London is beautiful, by the way. Can’t believe you get to see this every day. I’m a jealous man._
> 
> _—Ryan_

> _Dear Ryan,_
> 
> _I actually don’t live here. I’m just here for the production. Honestly, I’m well blown away by it, too. Want to get drinks again soon?_
> 
> _—Gavin_

> _Dear Gavin,_
> 
> _Was waiting for you to ask. Where and when?_
> 
> _—Ryan_

> _Ryan,_
> 
> _The usual!_
> 
> _—Gavin_

* * *

Ryan’s month was nearly up.

Gavin had the date circled on his calendar. It’d been almost a month since they’d met for the first time. They’d gotten together every day the past week. It was hard to think that in a few days, he’d be gone.

It definitely wasn’t something Gavin was looking forward to.

> _Ryan,_
> 
> _What’s your phone number? Hope it’s not weird for me to ask._
> 
> _—Gavin_

* * *

And then, three days before Ryan was supposed to leave, _it_ happened.

Gavin did what he did best. He shut Ryan out.

Everything was going wrong. Ryan was going back to Texas, where he worked as a video editor and animator. Gavin was staying in England. After a month of emailing and texting and talking and actually having a good time together, _he was leaving._ It was out of Gavin’s control. There was nothing he could do about it, and it left him feeling hopeless and unhappy.

And it wasn’t just that.

Things had taken a turn for the worst in his personal life, too. His home life wasn’t great. His job was okay, but there was something Gavin wanted so much more. His dream had always been to work at Rooster Teeth and for the past month, he’d been waiting and waiting to see if his Visa would be approved. Still no word and it didn’t look good, since it was much longer than the average wait time and he’d already been rejected before.

To make matters worse, he definitely had feelings. Strong ones. And to add salt in the wound, the company was in Texas. Where Ryan lived. In fact, it was in the same city. At least he didn’t work there. Yet.

There were things he hadn’t shared with Ryan, and this had been one of them. The chance was so slim that his Visa would be approved. Why this time, when it had been rejected so many other times? It made no sense.

He’d spent the past month telling himself over and over again that he wouldn’t be torn up about this. He’d sworn up and down that he wouldn’t care. But now it was three days before Ryan left and he clearly shared the same feelings Gavin did and so Gavin did the only thing he knew how to. He shut Ryan out.

He dropped him just like he had with so many other people. Past girlfriends, boyfriends, one night stands, even some friends. He just stopped responding. This time was different, though, because Gavin actually _wanted_ to respond and as the days went on and on, there was nothing Gavin wanted more than to talk to Ryan again.

He didn’t let himself. Ryan was leaving. There was an almost certain chance that they’d never see each other again. Things would fade out between them anyways. The fact of the matter was that Ryan was just on vacation. He had a life at home. Their communication would’ve eventually worn to nothing. They’d stop thinking of things to tell each other when they couldn’t actually physically get together. It would end whether or not Gavin shut him out.

But he was saving himself the pain. So he stopped responding and let Ryan go.

* * *

Time passed.

Gavin’s Visa was rejected again. He didn’t tell Ryan. He didn’t say anything to Ryan at all. He continued his silence.

It wasn’t until the pangs of regret finally got to Gavin and he got drunk that he finally broke that silence.

Drunk Gavin didn’t like to make good choices. Drunk Gavin was an idiot. Drunk Gavin missed Ryan.

> _Rye-Bread,_
> 
> _Whent to hte bar we met at. Had what you had that frst ngiht.Birthday cake vodka. Tastes bad. Don’t know y u like it_
> 
> _—Gav_

And things got worse. And worse. And then even worse.

* * *

“God, Gavin, I’m so sick of these goddamn imaginary friends you have!”

“They’re bloody real! Just because they’re on the internet doesn’t make them fake!”

“If you can’t physically meet with them, then they’re not your real friends. I wish you’d just get off the bloody computer and meet with people your own age!”

“I have Dan!”  
“Where’s _he_ going to get you?! He’s almost as bad as you are, Gavin! Kids these days, living on their computers. You and that Dan idiot are never going to make anything of yourselves.”

“I’m going to Texas! I’ll make something of myself. You’ll see. You’ll goddamn see!”

“Would you _stop_ with that pipe dream of yours?! Go to college like your sister or go into the military like your brother. Get a real job. Stop living that fake life of yours!”

“Stop!”

“Don’t use that tone with me, Gavin!”

_BANG!_

He slammed the door behind him and pushed in the lock, something that was strictly not allowed in the house.

It was the same thing over and over again. It never changed. And it sucked.

Everything sucked. He couldn’t get his Visa approved without becoming internationally well known. He’d cut things off with Ryan. Even his family knew he was a degenerate prick.

It was like he’d hit rock bottom and had somehow started digging himself further into a hole and found a way to go lower and lower. He couldn’t break himself out of the cycle.

The worst part was that he couldn’t get Ryan out of his head. He’d broken things off without a word and he felt like shit over it. Then he’d sent that email. And had gotten no response. Which he should’ve expected after showing Ryan just how much of an asshole he really was by completely shutting him out.

But the only thing he could do was sit down at his computer and write another one, his mouse hovering over the ‘send’ button until he finally hit it.

> _Ryan,_
> 
> _Cake vodka tastes terrible._
> 
> _—Gavin_

* * *

It went on like that for a while.

> _Ryan,_
> 
> _London is a sight._
> 
> _—Gavin_

> _Ryan,_
> 
> _All girly drinks taste terrible, if I’m being honest._
> 
> _—Gavin_

> _Ryan,_
> 
> _It’s two in the morning._
> 
> _—Gavin_

Ryan didn’t check his email. Gavin never saw his online notification sign on. He always checked. Always.

**Ryan Haywood, last sign in: 2 months ago**

> _Ryan,_
> 
> _Some dolt messed with my footage today._
> 
> _—Gavin_

> _Ryan,_
> 
> _Working on a new film._
> 
> _—Gavin_

> _Ryan,_
> 
> _Went to London today. I’m blown away by the sight._
> 
> _—Gavin_

Most of his emails were one sentence. Two if he was feeling bad enough. It was like talking to someone who wasn’t there.

> _Ryan,_
> 
> _Checked the weather for Texas today. Pretty warm there._
> 
> _—Gavin_

> _Ryan,_
> 
> _I wish I could write poetry._
> 
> _—Gavin_

> _Ryan,_
> 
> _I accidentally fell asleep in a patch of sun today._
> 
> _—Gavin_

**Ryan Haywood, last sign in: 4 months ago**

> _Ryan,_
> 
> _You had warm arms._
> 
> _—Gavin_

> _Ryan,_
> 
> _Had your stupid girly drink again._
> 
> _—Gavin_

> _Ryan,_
> 
> _Didn’t you like the summer?_
> 
> _—Gavin_

**Ryan Haywood, last sign in: 6 months ago**

> _Ryan,_
> 
> _Had a fight with my mom again today. Wasn’t pretty._
> 
> _—Gavin_

> _Ryan,_
> 
> _I’m drunk and it’s 4 am._
> 
> _—Gavin_

> _Ryan,_
> 
> _I like your blue eyes a lot._
> 
> _—Gavin_

**Ryan Haywood, last sign in: 1 hour ago**

* * *

Gavin couldn’t believe his eyes.

An hour ago. After nearly eight months, Ryan had finally signed in and checked his email.

Why now? Why the hell hadn’t he before? What had driven him to check it now?

Above all else, panic could only settle in Gavin’s stomach. Those emails. There was probably over a hundred of them now. Ryan had them all. Either he’d deleted them or he was reading them. Gavin couldn’t see him just ignoring them. That wasn’t possible with Ryan Haywood.

He got up, shut off his computer, and walked out of his house just as the clock ticked midnight. He had to get away. Just for a bit.

Shit. He’d underestimated it. Three hundred. That was pretty pathetic.

He was standing on an overpass, reading the text messages, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. Ryan had seen every last message. Every single one of those. Three hundred of them.

* * *

Gavin was there. At six. To pick up Ryan.

He felt his eyes watering and for a moment, he didn’t know what was happening. He refused to let the tears fall, but as Ryan walked off the plane and met Gavin, he couldn’t help but to sniffle, ashamed of himself, because finally, finally everything was falling directly into place.

The only thing he could do was collapse into Ryan’s arms in a mumbling mess. He didn’t cry. He didn’t sob. Because that wasn’t the kind of person Gavin Free was. But the tears fell silently and Gavin was embarrassed by them and hid himself in Ryan’s shoulder. It wasn’t until what felt like hours had passed when Gavin finally returned the kiss that had scared him away in the first place. But he did it. And it felt _right_ for the first time. Everything was right.

Quickly, everything else settled. Ryan kissed him back without abandon, holding him close in a warm embrace that Gavin had only longed for. It was everything he’d imagined and more and for the first time, Gavin felt like he belonged somewhere.

Here, in Ryan’s arms, he was home.

* * *

To: Gavin Free

Subject: Visa

Message content:

Congratulations, Mr. Free! Your work Visa has been approved. Come to the office of immigration at our London location to pick it up and fill out the remaining paperwork.

* * *

“I’m moving.”

“No you aren’t.”

“I’m sorry. I’m moving.”

“You don’t have anywhere to go.”

“I’m moving in with my boyfriend. In Texas. My work Visa got approved.”

“You can’t be serious about this shit, Gavin. Do you really think you have a future in that place?”

“Yeah, I do. I’m leaving now. Sorry. I’ll talk to you later.”

* * *

_ _


End file.
